August 2026 Horoscopes

Aries

Get ready for a googly-eyed surprise this August, Aries. But it won’t be some mystery box in the mail. Actually, it’s you. Look in the mirror and realize that you’ve gone gaga for someone or something you once thought was just so-so.

Let the feelings in. Why not? You got somebody better waiting in the wings? Doubt it. Open the door and let the new thing in. If it works out, you’ll be glad you did. And if not, at least you experienced something novel. Write it down in your diary so that in 30 years you’ll have proof you lived.

At the same time, maybe now’s your moment to let something else go. Are you harboring resentment? This month, aim to resolve those feelings in whatever way works best for you. Practice the monklike forgiveness you’re definitely not known for. Or maybe just beat their ass. Only the stars know.

Your Inner Ugly Pokémon This Month: Beedrill

Taurus

What’s eating you, Taurus? From the outside looking in, you’re like a big slice of watermelon with a bunch of cartoon bite marks around the edges. This August, it’s time to set it right. Gather up all the little slices of yourself, turn your back, and storm off. Let someone else clean up the drippings.

If you can, do it independently. Nobody wants to see you over in the corner, spitting out seeds like your life depends on it. Close the door. Get off TikTok. Get yourself some damn privacy as you muddle your way through this month’s batch of inner work.

But have fun with it. Indulge yourself a little: lounge with a book. Turn up the music. Cut up a melon and eat it in big, juicy bites. Let the soft watermelon of your body love what it loves. You know you want to.

Your Inner Ugly Pokémon This Month: Voltorb

Gemini

When’s the last time you went on a seesaw? How about a merry-go-round? This month, Gemini natives are called to go out and play. And not in a metaphorical way, either. The seesaw doesn’t represent the ups and downs of your emotional state. The merry-go-round isn’t a stand-in for your workplace woes.

No, they represent something much simpler: the damn playground. Now’s your cue to let down your hair, kick off your shoes, and have some good-old-fashioned fun. Think picnics in the park, cute coffee meetups, and maybe even a backyard Slip N Slide. This is a month where people are willing to follow you to the edge of the playground and beyond.

But it’s not all picnics and playgrounds. By late month, you’ll wish you’d stretched more. Something from the past might pop out of a groundhog hole to say hello. Force it back down with a trashcan lid, then sit on top. Those who stay disciplined can keep it buried for good.

Your Inner Ugly Pokémon This Month: Lileep

Cancer

As a young kid, I got lost at an amusement park. I was walking next to my grandpa, and then I looked up and it wasn’t my grandpa. Cue inconsolable crying. This month, Cancer natives have the same vibe. The planet of friendship makes a grand trine with the erratic asteroid of taking stock. If you don’t like what you see, it’s time to throw a fit.

Stepping away from those who drain you could open the door for new connections. New friends, interesting acquaintances, or a profesh refresh could be in the works. You have a lot of choices, but don’t wait too long to decide anything. At some point, you have to hop off the carousel.

Eventually, a stranger handed me a giant lollipop and helped me find my family. By the end of the month, a similar beam of sugary sweetness heads your way. A new season of abundance is about to begin. Get ready to grab the cosmic lollipop.

Your Inner Ugly Pokémon This Month: Dugtrio

Leo

Hear ye, hear ye! By royal decree, you cannot stay on top forever. Sometimes you gotta go down into the damp little musty cavern that is your inner self. That’s right now, Leo. Some old wounds are reopening, and they’re calling for self-examination, especially around your relationship to public praise.

You don’t have to go it alone. Chat with friends. Get therapized. Your third eye is a headlamp, and it’ll lead you out of the cave. Make a couple of finger paintings, then leave behind your old ways once and for all. It’ll feel good to move forward once again.

By the end of August, you may find yourself with a few choices to make. Unfortunately, money doesn’t fall from the sky. Where can you make cuts? Don’t be afraid to dump some plans back into the sandbox. Popularity is great, but there could be a fun new project on the horizon. Shout into the cave and see what echoes back.

Your Inner Ugly Pokémon This Month: Yungoos

Virgo

August starts with a benevolent ray of absolutely nothing, Virgo. In the best way possible, somebody forgot to assign you a duty. That makes it a perfect time to play.

This month, take some time to do all the things you always wish you were doing when you’re dutifully checking things off your list. Dip your feet in the pool. Play video games. Read Crime and Punishment. I don’t know you. The point is: leisure. Fun. Get off your ass, then go find somewhere more comfy to sit on your ass.

Don’t worry, your quiet time will be over soon enough. After a couple weeks of loafing, you’ll be itching for your next social hour. Slather on some calamine in the form of your BFF. While you’re at it, start planning your next big adventure. With a loaded to-do list and the open road, something worthwhile is bound to turn up.

Your Inner Ugly Pokémon This Month: Totodile

Libra

Come on down! You’re the next contestant on The Price Is Probably Too High But the Cameras Are On So You’ve Gotta Jump Up and Down Anyway! If performance is feeling painful to you, it’s no wonder. August has a low-energy start for Libras everywhere.

Ease your way into it. That will make it easier to take on your main order of business this month: getting your daily routines in order. No one’s asking you to get up at 0500 hours for calisthenics or choke down a wheatgrass smoothie. But maybe you want to get up a smidge earlier to boost your productivity. Or maybe not. It’s your life.

Later in the month, get ready for the Showcase Showdown. What’s in the first showcase? It could be a new dinette set, or maybe it’s a brand-new car. A win is a win, but choose carefully. Pick the thing that’ll be most satisfying to share with friends. By the end of August, you’ll have people lined up to spend time with you.

Your Inner Ugly Pokémon This Month: Greninja

Scorpio

My sister wore a tie to her first day of kindergarten. Our mom picked it out, but that didn’t stop the entire family from teasing her about it for years. This month, Scorpios are called to polish up. You don’t need to do it in a tie-for-kindergarten sort of way, but it might be good to look like a person with a plan. Even if that plan is written on the back of a duct-taped together gas station receipt.

Why? Because important people might want to talk to you. Doi. My crystal ball says something about job interviews, professional connections, and meetings where last month’s salsa-stained sweatpants might not be en vogue. Presenting yourself well both physically and resume-ically could go a long way.

That said, there are still plenty of days where it’ll pay off to be less buttoned-up. Emotional conversations will call less for business casual than for sick-day civvies. Be prepared to get vulnerable around your nearest and dearest. Be so honest that you give a kindergartener a run for their money.

Your Inner Ugly Pokémon This Month: Dragonite

Sagittarius

What the hell, man? What is all this shit everywhere? It looks like the way my grandma’s ceiling sounded when squirrels holed up in her attic for the winter. Scattered papers, chewed-up bits of insulation, and no small amount of pewp.

You need to get organized, stat. Fifty million CCs of whatever makes people pick stuff off the floor. This is the month for Sagittarius natives to get their shit together. I can’t promise it’ll be fun, but at least it’ll result in a rodent-free headspace. Just picture it: your brain with slicked-back hair and glowy makeup. It’s clean-girl brain for you this August.

Power wash the attic, and you’ll find a whole line of squirrely friends ready to whisk you off to treeland. Or brunch. Let them lead you; it’ll be more fun that way. By the end of the month, you’ll be ready to scurry on to your next solo adventure. It could be a more fulfilling one. Take a risk. Jump out of a tree and land on someone’s garage with a stale slice of pizza and a heart full of freedom.

Your Inner Ugly Pokémon This Month: Chewtle

Capricorn

Listen, just because Capricorn is associated with goats doesn’t mean that every horoscope needs to be infused with goatliness.

But this one does.

When I think of you, I remember that ancient meme of a bunch of goats defying gravity to lick salt from a cliff face. The punchline? "They crave that mineral."

This August, the universe sends a booming message that will rumble you from cloven hoof to horn:

))) Capricorn, what do you crave? (((

No, seriously, what the hell do you want? And are you willing to risk missing a step, sliding down a cliff, and embarrassing yourself in front of your barnyard friends to get it? It’s time to take a chance. Go for something that feels good. Let people see what you’re working on. Shit, invite them to help.

If you do, you’ll be rewarded. Probably. I don’t make the rules. But I’m willing to bet someone will be up there waiting to place a communion wafer of salt on your tongue if you make the climb.

Your Inner Ugly Pokémon This Month: Nacli

Aquarius

When I was seven, I got chicken pox and missed seeing Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery at the drive-in. My family came back quoting the movie, and then everyone in the world was quoting the movie, and I was left scratching my scabs.

This month, Aquarius natives everywhere are scrappy little scab-scratchers forced to stay at home. You’re stuck at the window while everyone else laughs at the joke you don’t understand. Sucks to be you.

But don’t worry, Aquarius. Just like little-kid me, you’ll get your chance to catch up with everyone else. It’s not a guarantee, but maybe you’ll even love it as much as I did: enough to buy the VHS, quote it incessantly, and insist on naming your pet goldfish Mr. Bigglesworth.

Or maybe you’ll be a normal person and be chill about it. Who’s to say? But August’s quiet start has every potential to end in the most shagadelic way possible.

Your Inner Ugly Pokémon This Month: Drilbur

Pisces

I don’t care. I don’t care. Katy Perry getting trapped in a giant water bottle is the best thing that’s happened all year. There’s nothing wrong with a little half-billionaire schadenfreude, OK?

That’s the energy you should drag into August, Pisces. You’re always a bit of a dreamer, floating above the rest of us in your own personal recyclable, hamster-wheeling yourself to a stage only you can see. But this month, you’re down here with the rest of us: arms raised high, shoving someone else’s water bottle in the opposite direction.

The universe isn’t telling you to be petty, exactly. But it is giving you permission to be something less than perfect. Come on down to Earth. Get dirty. Grab a few fistfuls of mud to carry with you when you step back into the water bottle. By then, your journey to the stage might be that much easier.

Your Inner Ugly Pokémon This Month: Beedrill