Free Ideas

If you like any of these ideas, go ahead and take them. They're free.

• Emobroidery

  It's not embroidery. It's emobroidery. I thought of this years ago and I am still laughing. Here's a concept I made in like 2016:

  

  That, but dial up the emo. Less Simple Plan, more Thursday. Taking Back Sunday. Brand New. Other early 00s emo greats. I would absolutely buy an emobroidery with the lyrics teenage me knew by heart.

  (Actually now that I am revisiting the idea, I might make a few more emobroideries myself. If I do, you'll find 'em on the Projects page.)

• Shitter Wisdom

  A book or website (or both) that presents a curated collection of the best in bathroom graffiti. I'm sure this already exists in some capacity. But is it called Shitter Wisdom?

• Tournament of Cats

  Have you heard of the Tournament of Books? It's an annual March Madness-style competition of books. An individual judge decides each bracket, and all judges cast a vote to determine a winner in the final round.

  I am proposing a Tournament of Cats held in a similar manner. Throughout the year, people submit photos for consideration. A final bracket is determined. Judges (chosen for their dedication to cats, animal expertise, or any other reason) determine bracket winners. They write up an explanation for their decision, which may involve any reasons they can come up with: the cat's cuteness or pose, the composition of the photo, the cat's political leanings. Go ham. In the final round, all of the judges cast a vote. The winning cat is celebrated for the rest of eternity.

  I believe this is a money-making idea with the potential for sponsorship, merch, etc. If you make it happen, I am begging you to let me be a judge during the first year.

• The Half-blood Bitch

  The name probably needs to be workshopped. But I'm pretty sure this one is available as a cheap domain name. It's a website that insults you in the style of Severus Snape. Every time you refresh, a new insult. Totally worth the cost.

• Astro Memes

  Memes about astrology, in list form. I used to work for a popular travel website that had a zillion lists of places to visit in X place, or X restaurants in X place that fit X theme. It sucked. But it's a proven format.

  11 Places All Capricorns Should Add To Their Bucket List Immediately. 9 Dream Wedding Locations For Every Aries Man. 15 Movies Every Scorpio Should See Before They Die. You get the deal.

  It looks like astromemes.com might be taken now. Do I own it? Not sure. But just about any fun name will do. It's astrology, not investment baking.

• A reality show where they turn incels into Chads.

  Follow them for a year of dating. See how much they still get rejected despite now having what they say is everything women want. Watch as they come to understand that it's their abhorrent personalities, not their looks, that make them undesirable partners.

  The fantasy is that they learn lessons and grow as people. I'm dreaming big here.

• Revisiting Whyville

Whyville is a children's website that I'm convinced only two people on this planet still remember. You earn clams in educational games, float around chatrooms, and decorate your head with face parts. If you're super lucky, you get the chance to design and sell your own face parts.

The way people decorated their faces was absolutely unhinged. If you didn't have eyes where your chin should be, you were a potato-faced n00b.

All I want is a photo retrospective of Whyville face parts culture.

• Angelpuss

  

  Name something (anything!) after this beloved Neopets petpet.

• The Great British Reverse Uno

  Do you watch The Great British Bake Off? If you do, you'll know that Paul Hollywood famously gives a handshake when a bake impresses him. His handshakes are coveted.

  My fantasy is that a contestant gets cheeky and goes for a handshake before Paul offers one. What calamity would ensue? Future baker, please make this happen.

• Cat Movies

  - A movie about a cat that desperately wants outside but then fails in every way once they get there.

  - A movie about a cat who desperately wants to stay inside but is somehow forced out. Eventually we learn it's fine to just be who you are without some great adventure.

• A song called "Top Ten Haunted Places."
• A Macaulay Culkin-themed tarot deck.
• Barbie Mall Dollz

  Have you seen my Barbie Mall? It's a collection of Barbie clothes I played with as a child. Originally I wanted this to be one of those dress-up dollz sites that let you drag clothes onto a doll. But I don't have the knowledge or skill to do this, and I probably never will. I'd love if someone else could give it a whirl, though.

• A 30-second daily podcast that features a bad, pun-based joke every day. Some examples that my husband and I made up:

  Q: How did the singer of the completely naked band introduce their brand-new song?
  A: Here's my new ditty.

  Q: What do you call a Moff Gideon that runs on Windows?
  A: Microsoft Gideon.

  That level of bad. I have also considered making a zine compiling these types of awful "jokes."

• Cattle Decapidoodle

  Have you heard of Cattle Decapitation? While their sound is not something I am drawn to, I have seen them perform live a few times. I think they're talented and put on a good show.

  My husband is a big fan and owns several Cattle Decap shirts. I would like to own one that says "Cattle Decapidoodle," which is how I refer to them to annoy my husband. Such a shirt would be an instant buy for me. Bonus points if it had a whimsical design, but I'd take one even in the standard metal font. Please make it so, Travis Ryan (or anyone with shirt design skills)!

• Metal Band Name Ideas

  On the subject of metal bands, here are a few name ideas for your consideration:

  - Hysterectomy
  - Abortion Afterbirth
  - Fallopian Dystopia
  - Stem Cell Sacrifice
  - Breech Birth Bloodbath
  - Vernix
  - Fetus Coin Purse

• Other Band Name Ideas

  - Drunk Liar (I like this one so much.)

• Double Wide Vintage

  

  In my early 20s, a friend and I had the idea to become vintage resellers. We had a website and an Etsy store and some things to stock.

  We called ourselves Double Wide Vintage because at the time we both lived in a double wide trailer. The vibe of our "business" was fake wood paneling and busted screen doors. (Come on, you know it's funny.)

  We aren't going to do that project now, but the name and aesthetic are still 10/10 chef's kiss fabulous. Are you looking for a name for your vintage shop? This one is free.

• Misogyny Audit

  Have you heard of Financial Audit? It's a video series hosted by Caleb Hammer, an alleged financial guru. His brand of helping involves berating guests for making poor financial choices.

  Many of his guests are women, and many of the videos include titles or captions with words like "hysterical" or "sugar baby" or "spoiled princess."

  Between these titles and the way the host speaks to guests, the show smacks of misogyny. I would like someone to analyze his language and speech patterns to determine whether his treatment of guests differs based on gender.

• Misogyny Audit, Part 2

  Or what about a video series in the style of Financial Audit that interviews guests and dissects their misogynistic behavior? I am not sure how this would work or who would agree to be on it. That's for you to decide, along with how you'll deal with the insane levels of harassment the internet will surely shower upon you the moment you bring up misogyny.

• A Pimp My Ride fanfiction about Xzibit putting a crockpot in someone's car and the chaos that ensues.
• Ice Kombat

  An ice skating and fighting video game. Players perform tricks on the ice while also fighting each other. Winning players earn money to buy new costumes, which provide different boosts. There's a judging component that may affect the outcome of each match.

• NHL Improvement Scheme #1

  I live in the sTaTe oF HoCkEy where our hockey teams lose. However, that's not the reason I dislike watching hockey.

  The reason is because there is not enough scoring. There are some games where no one scores. Scoring games are usually low. It's boring, and you can't convince me otherwise.

  My solution for the NHL is to double the width of the nets. Standardize goalie padding thickness so that pads don't just grow excessively along with the net.

  If they do this, there might be more scoring. If there is more scoring, there will be more excitement. If there is more excitement, more people will watch. If more people watch, there will be more people to buy merch. If more merch is sold, the NHL makes more money. We all win.

• NHL Improvement Scheme #2

  I understand that hockey's three periods make it difficult to stop at a halfway point. But this sport is really missing a convenient time to half-time performances. Where is the figure skating?

  I went to a rodeo once that had children's acts before the main events. It was cute. It would be cute to watch children's figure skating after the first period, with adult figure skating performances after the second.

  This idea also has the potential to boost the interest of moms, children, and figure skaters. Make it happen, NHL.

• NFL Fans

  At an NFL game, I would like the people sitting behind the field goal posts to all bring large fans into the stadium. Something like this but in whatever design you like.

  When a kicker kicks a field goal, everyone wave their fan towards the goal post. Could the resulting wind affect the outcome? I really want to know.

  This idea would work best at a home game, behind the field goal that the opposing team kicks into.

• Crude Reviews

  A website that reviews things. But in a crude, profanity-laced sort of way.

• Night Donuts

  My new fantasy is to open a donut stand in my neighborhood. I live in a population-dense neighborhood, but there are not many gathering places. There are fewer that are open later in the evening, year-round. And there are still fewer that are open to people of all ages.

  So I want to open a walk-up donut stand. Maybe it's a food truck or a small building with a serving window. Picnic tables outside, and some lights. And donuts, served hot. Maybe coffee, tea, hot chocolate. Lemonade. Whatever drinks go with donuts.

  The donut stand stays open into the evening. It is open in the winter. People can come after dinner for a little night donut. Kids can come with their friends for a donut and a chat. Need a date idea? Night donuts for two.

  In my fantasy, the donut stand becomes a gathering place for members of the local community, somewhere that brings people of all ages and backrounds together. We make our streets feel more welcoming at night, we give kids a safe place to go with their friends, and we eat good donuts.

  I'm adding this here mostly as a reminder of the idea in case future me is ever able to give it a whirl. But also, maybe your neighborhood needs Night Donuts?

• Religious T-shirts That Poke Fun At Religion

  You know how people wear T-shirts that say Bible verses? I'm not religious, but I usually look up the verses because I'm just curious like that.

  Last week I saw someone rocking 2 Corinthians 4:18 which I thought was a lovely sentiment. But it also gave me a probably bad idea: T-shirts that advertise silly Bible verses.

  Like, there's a talking donkey in the Bible. Sorry, talking ass, because that word is also prevalent. Call me immature, but it's funny! And it would be funny to get people to look up these verses. I think the best way to poke fun at things is to use the thing itself to do the poking.

  My friend, an evil genius with religious trauma, suggested Ezekiel 23:20.

• A Midwestern Salad Party

  Just a party where everyone brings a weird Midwestern salad. Watergate salad (I just learned about this one - wtf). Snickers salad. Whatever weird salad thier grandma used to bring to Thanksgiving.

• It's Not Fair!

  A zine or Instagram account or something about the Minnesota State Fair, titled It's Not Fair! Except instead of cheery fair nostalgia, it's about the less great stuff. You know, the fair's seedy underbelly. Crying kids, weary carnies, the thick smush of dropped Sweet Martha's cookies that lines the paths.

• Marketing Idea

  I have to admit I've never had a Pumpkin Spice Latte. Nothing against them, I just don't drink a lot of coffee.

  That doesn't mean I'm immune to pumpkin spice marketing campaigns. Pumpkin spice is tasty, and it smells good. I think it should be used to advertise everything.

  Yes, everything. Instead of just pumpkin spice flavors and pumpkin spice smells... What about pumpkin spice car washes? Pumpkin spice furniture? Pumpkin spice tax preparation?

  If I sold a product, I would most certainly market it as pumpkin spice in the fall.