My Favorite Ridiculous Michael Simon Sweaters

Some Michael Simon sweaters are truly insane. They are so fun, and I love them. But unless I happen upon them for cheap at a thrift store, they probably won’t join my collection.

Here are my favorites, in no particular order.

(Images stolen with remorse (that I don't own the sweaters) from various eBay, Poshmark, and Etsy listings.)

Green Cow Cardigan

This looks like a cow’s Instagram grid. I love it for its audacity. The more I look at it, the more I like it. But it would probably just sit unworn.

I would more seriously consider this red one, though:

And this cow print sweater recently sold for $550. I’m insanely jealous of whoever was able to add that to their collection.

One last sweater on the cow theme. I came across this cattle brand (!?!?!) cardigan. I’m not into… ranching? But I am intrigued by the novelty of it.

Tennis Ball Cardigan

A wacky idea gone gloriously wrong.

Swimmers Poncho

Obviously, this thing is a work of art. I love it.

This chainlink sweater has the same vibe. Glorious.

I lifted these photos from this Michael Simon appreciation post on Reddit, by the way. There are some other great ones shown there too.

Plastic Cardigan


The plastic element is kind of ridiculous. But I also kind of love it. It feels very Y2K to me.

There are also vests. This one is particularly ridiculous:

Hunting Cardigan

What in the Downton Abbey is this? A damn fox hunting sweater?

I wanna know the thought process for this one. Who was the target audience? The number of blue bloods who like insanely tacky sweaters has got to be in the single digits.

But it does deserve some kudos. Michael is a knitwear genius. He obviously knew what he was doing. This thing is super detailed, even for a Michael Simon sweater.

Striped Flamingo Vest

This thing is so loud it could shatter windows on the other side of the globe. I like the heart buttons, though.

For the record, this would be my preferred flamingo sweater:



Smiling Lobster Cardigan

MICHAEL. Who was going to wear this!? I have to imagine it was made solely to amuse the designer. It is so funny. I’m so happy for these happy lobsters.

America Cardigan

Generally, I cringe at American flag clothing. But I dunno. I also think progressives should reclaim the flag. Star spangle your everything, then go demand universal health care, unionize, punch Nazis, etc. Show that it’s the patriotic thing to do.

Flag or not, I think this sweater is pretty fun. The hot dogs, the hamburgers, the ice cream.

This one is really something too. For when you need a more tasteful, sophisticated sweater to pledge allegiance to:

Or what about this one? You are not only flag but flagpole too. Incredible.

Face Cardigan

Dafuq?