How Far I'll Mow

June 7, 2026

• My favorite part of June is when my peonies finally bloom:

  

  I can't take credit for them; they came with the house, and I do nothing to maintain them.

  The unfortunate thing about peonies is that they last about five minutes, and then you just have a regular leafy green bush.

  Our first spring here, I tried making a peony bouquet for inside. It was beautiful, but for me the smell is so unbearably strong that I can't even walk by without holding my breath. They stay outside now. Let the ants have them.

• We have basically neglected the yard for the entire five years that we've lived here. I've slowly planted some perennials (salvia, bee balm, and several clematis plants to climb up the hideous chain link) in our backyard garden beds.

  But there's a whole section of my backyard that I have mostly ignored, other than the horrific job of trimming the grape vine in the spring. I would love to know how to make it produce grapes that the bugs don't eat. As in, I'd love to know without having to do any research on it. I'm not that invested.

• We grow a veggie garden too. My husband spends weeks studying the pepper lists from a local specialty place (Hugo Feed Mill, if you're near the Twin Cities) before making his selections.

  They have a zillion tomato varieties too. I usually pick out a few at random when we stop in. I'm mainly interested in growing tomatoes, beans, and peas. My cucumbers and zucchini usually do well. But who cares about those when you have tomatoes, beans, and peas.

• Overall, I thought I would enjoy gardening more than I actually do. I like the outcome, but it's hard work. Weeding sucks. There are weird bugs out there. I'm a bum. I want to sit under my umbrella, not squat in the sun.

  I do wonder if it annoys my neighbors. One of them mows her lawn literally every other day. We call her Mowana. What's that noise? It's Mowana making us look bad again.

• My lack of green thumb is even more obvious inside. I buy a plant, it blends into the scenery, and then it ceases to exist. I have no idea how people manage to actually water their plants.

  One time my friend came over and asked why I had a big crispy plant in the corner of my dining room. Idfk, no idea how it got there.