I Dream of Trash

May 20, 2026

Really. I wanna get up in the morning and take to the streets with a 10-gallon bucket and one of those trash grabbers. I already have one, and I already do that from time to time. But I want to get paid for it.

On any given walk around my neighborhood, you might see gutters full of old mail, discarded vapes, losing scratch-offs, broken McDonald's toys. There's an abandoned house nearby where people regularly dump big bags of junk. Last week it was a pile of old blankets, clothing still in drawers, and kitchen items mixed in with paper trash. People just ignore the NO DUMPING signs and let loose.

To say it pisses me off would be an understatement. The city usually cleans it up promptly when we report it. But by then it's too late. People have been invited to litter. That trash was already there, so why not add more? Motherfuckers around here will leave a full-sized couch in the middle of the street in broad daylight.

Kids live here. Let them ride their bikes without risking a wipeout in broken glass. Also, we're close to the Mississippi River. That shit goes to the ocean. If they won't think of the children, won't they think of the fish?

I'm tired of striving for success. At least, I'm tired of doing it in a sanctioned way, like in a corporate office building. Imagine just going out and cleaning up. It would have an immediate impact on the community and a long-term (albeit small) impact on the world. I wanna be like a beat cop, except with trash.